You know that desperate need to do anything but what is needed of you; be anywhere but the present; I have been there and this might be an insight into one of the "why" of such instinct.
Hi ace, I have barely started writing and I am already dreading writing my next article for fear of keeping up with the quality, adequacy and even timelines. But I am positive I will work around it because this is truly my space for sharing more than anything else. Good luck to you :)
Timelines I believe are important when we're juggling and many balls are in the air but there are times when I cannot keep the other balls suspended I have to triage and redirect my focus, then...finally ta da!!
As a witness to your unburdening, I am open to hear about how this process is evolving for you. Although many of us have similar symptoms, oftentimes the origins and paths forward are very different.
Kudos for your bravery! And I’m a kinsman of introspection too :)
I agree with much of what you say. Thank you for sharing this post. Sometimes when I have to take an exam I become worrisome. So much is riding on the success of the test so I have decided to purchase a second attempt at a reduced rate just to be ready for the retake. Also, issues with writer's block can go on too long until a new concept or new experience can grow my brain.
Thanks Isaiah! For taking the time out to read and appreciate. It truly means a lot. I am currently on a road to self introspection as you’ve probably read. I am taking it slow but steady. Smaller goals, time for healing and self reflection. Substack has been a huge help. It’s been more than a month now and I have started sharing more. Writing more. Just grateful to be able to understand myself better. But I would love to hear your story, how did you navigate these phases of the escapist you.
Reading this I was transported to my mid-twenties, when I wondered if my "itch" to travel was actually escapism. At the age of 31 right now, the longest place I've lived somewhere was 1.5 years. When I discovered astrology and learned my "north star" was in a sign that NEEDS to be immersed in other cultures, have long journeys over water, try on different lenses, & travel & explore, I was able to embrace this tendency as part of who I am, and what I need in order to be fulfilled. I'm wondering if Sagittarius is prominent in your chart as well?
The perfectionist part struck a chord with current me. I write about this on my own publication, because only just this year (at the age of 30) I miraculously somehow got over the "I can't share it unless it's perfect" and "It's not worth trying unless I know I'll succeed." I was afraid of creating ANYTHING, and it was sometimes paralyzing.
If you'll allow me one more astrology reference... my Virgo Rising causes me hold myself to almost impossible standards. As you say... "a sense of disappointment with myself.... of perhaps not fulfilling my externally perceived potential." And for some reason something shifted majorly on my journey up to Maine from North Carolina this summer. All the sudden I believed "I'd rather it exist at all, than be perfect." I realized that people weren't just endowed with gifts & talent but they showed up consistently, and I could do that too. If anyone could, I could.
For example, writing is something I know is authentic to me because I loved writing stories as early as I can remember... but I haven't written for my entire adult life (save a once-a-year post on instagram or so) until the last 1.5 months. I chose a name, made a logo, built a website, and I've been publishing a blog post every week. My past self has been thrown for a loop!!! My first ever post was called "4 mental blocks that keep us from doing epic things (and how to overcome them)" and addresses the reasons I would normally never be able to do those things ^ You might enjoy it
Maybe I'll later cringe at my earlier posts... but they were stepping stones to my present self and they were true snapshots of that time. I'm on a similar journey if you wanna talk about it
Sagittarius is extremely prominent in my chart as well. And your substack journey definitely resonates mine. However, I never considered myself a born writer. But then I never committed to anything so who knows. I just want to push myself to commit to this. Even my end goal here is to see if I can. I love that some people relate to my writing, and that's a wonderful bonus. But to be honest I have not enjoyed anything more in a very long time now. Still learning, trying to grow, but most of all trying to be consistent. I am definitely looking forward to reading your blog and hopefully more tea and ayurveda related conversations. Lovely to connect with you Revy :)
Yess astrology can be so helpful to understanding ourselves. I love Sag <3
I definitely never considered myself a born writer or a writer at all (though I will say I've been told my whole life that I'm a talented writer)... I just know it's 100% authentic to me because I did it as a child (& therefore without outside influence or "should"s or perfectionism). That's a big reason why I'm revisiting it now.
I love your goal! I have a similar one which is to keep showing up. I commit to writing at least 400 words a day and 1 blog post each week (which is huge for me, because I never had any writing habit ever besides writing stories for fun as a lil kid). So we can support each other <3(: So glad we connected
I just find your journey very similar to mine. Except I never wrote as a child. Nothing. Ever. Even now it’s therapeutic to me. I publish to face and fight my own blocks and bumps. And I am equally glad to have connected ❤️
Thanks for such an insightful and relatable post!! I was just journaling about all the moving I’ve done in my life, but it always had to do with circumstances. This has me wondering if it were left up to me, would I have moved so much?
I’v also struggled with not being consistent and not being able to hold onto a job for long. I was never good at tests or school and I’m a recovering perfectionist.
It’s been helpful for me to experiment with the Human Design system and to incorporate it in with my therapy sessions along with my writing.
Hi ace, I have barely started writing and I am already dreading writing my next article for fear of keeping up with the quality, adequacy and even timelines. But I am positive I will work around it because this is truly my space for sharing more than anything else. Good luck to you :)
Timelines I believe are important when we're juggling and many balls are in the air but there are times when I cannot keep the other balls suspended I have to triage and redirect my focus, then...finally ta da!!
As a witness to your unburdening, I am open to hear about how this process is evolving for you. Although many of us have similar symptoms, oftentimes the origins and paths forward are very different.
Kudos for your bravery! And I’m a kinsman of introspection too :)
Nicky,
I agree with much of what you say. Thank you for sharing this post. Sometimes when I have to take an exam I become worrisome. So much is riding on the success of the test so I have decided to purchase a second attempt at a reduced rate just to be ready for the retake. Also, issues with writer's block can go on too long until a new concept or new experience can grow my brain.
I am glad you connected ace! I hope it improves. Sending you good wishes :)
Thanks Isaiah! For taking the time out to read and appreciate. It truly means a lot. I am currently on a road to self introspection as you’ve probably read. I am taking it slow but steady. Smaller goals, time for healing and self reflection. Substack has been a huge help. It’s been more than a month now and I have started sharing more. Writing more. Just grateful to be able to understand myself better. But I would love to hear your story, how did you navigate these phases of the escapist you.
Reading this I was transported to my mid-twenties, when I wondered if my "itch" to travel was actually escapism. At the age of 31 right now, the longest place I've lived somewhere was 1.5 years. When I discovered astrology and learned my "north star" was in a sign that NEEDS to be immersed in other cultures, have long journeys over water, try on different lenses, & travel & explore, I was able to embrace this tendency as part of who I am, and what I need in order to be fulfilled. I'm wondering if Sagittarius is prominent in your chart as well?
The perfectionist part struck a chord with current me. I write about this on my own publication, because only just this year (at the age of 30) I miraculously somehow got over the "I can't share it unless it's perfect" and "It's not worth trying unless I know I'll succeed." I was afraid of creating ANYTHING, and it was sometimes paralyzing.
If you'll allow me one more astrology reference... my Virgo Rising causes me hold myself to almost impossible standards. As you say... "a sense of disappointment with myself.... of perhaps not fulfilling my externally perceived potential." And for some reason something shifted majorly on my journey up to Maine from North Carolina this summer. All the sudden I believed "I'd rather it exist at all, than be perfect." I realized that people weren't just endowed with gifts & talent but they showed up consistently, and I could do that too. If anyone could, I could.
For example, writing is something I know is authentic to me because I loved writing stories as early as I can remember... but I haven't written for my entire adult life (save a once-a-year post on instagram or so) until the last 1.5 months. I chose a name, made a logo, built a website, and I've been publishing a blog post every week. My past self has been thrown for a loop!!! My first ever post was called "4 mental blocks that keep us from doing epic things (and how to overcome them)" and addresses the reasons I would normally never be able to do those things ^ You might enjoy it
https://moonsteeped.com/blog24june-1/
Maybe I'll later cringe at my earlier posts... but they were stepping stones to my present self and they were true snapshots of that time. I'm on a similar journey if you wanna talk about it
Sagittarius is extremely prominent in my chart as well. And your substack journey definitely resonates mine. However, I never considered myself a born writer. But then I never committed to anything so who knows. I just want to push myself to commit to this. Even my end goal here is to see if I can. I love that some people relate to my writing, and that's a wonderful bonus. But to be honest I have not enjoyed anything more in a very long time now. Still learning, trying to grow, but most of all trying to be consistent. I am definitely looking forward to reading your blog and hopefully more tea and ayurveda related conversations. Lovely to connect with you Revy :)
Yess astrology can be so helpful to understanding ourselves. I love Sag <3
I definitely never considered myself a born writer or a writer at all (though I will say I've been told my whole life that I'm a talented writer)... I just know it's 100% authentic to me because I did it as a child (& therefore without outside influence or "should"s or perfectionism). That's a big reason why I'm revisiting it now.
I love your goal! I have a similar one which is to keep showing up. I commit to writing at least 400 words a day and 1 blog post each week (which is huge for me, because I never had any writing habit ever besides writing stories for fun as a lil kid). So we can support each other <3(: So glad we connected
I just find your journey very similar to mine. Except I never wrote as a child. Nothing. Ever. Even now it’s therapeutic to me. I publish to face and fight my own blocks and bumps. And I am equally glad to have connected ❤️
Thanks for such an insightful and relatable post!! I was just journaling about all the moving I’ve done in my life, but it always had to do with circumstances. This has me wondering if it were left up to me, would I have moved so much?
I’v also struggled with not being consistent and not being able to hold onto a job for long. I was never good at tests or school and I’m a recovering perfectionist.
It’s been helpful for me to experiment with the Human Design system and to incorporate it in with my therapy sessions along with my writing.
I look forward to reading more from you.